This is not an epic moment in Lisa's Library of Spiritual Doubts. Ultimately at times I feel like a liar, whack-job, and an illusionist for having an angel blog and here I am having issues with the angels and God once again.
Let's see my mood right now I would describe as a pooped stained rainbow, not to mention I wish I could have a face to face interrogation with an angel..preferably my main guardian angel or Archangel Michael. I wouldn't say I would rough them up or anything but I would tickle their angel wings and tempt them with some angel food cake and angel hair pasta. I'm sure they would almost budge.
I can't even say that I'm mad, or irritated because I'm over that. It's more of a where the hell am I going mantra and it probably won't do much anyhow.
Sure, I am the pilot of my life and the angels and God are the passengers that are behind me on this flight until I land at destination Hotel Final Resting Place.
I am completely drained of being sick because I do struggle with health issues that I'll spare you the whiny back story of.
They most likely all manifested through emotional issues I either consciously was not aware of or others I'd prefer not to see.
All I know is that I feel more like a prisoner inside a high security holding cell then a free butterfly exploring their territory with peace.
I'm angry at myself for the times I didn't follow my intuition or let my ego's fears tell me what the "truth" was when it was in fact a big, juicy fabricated gossip story like one of those trashy celeb magazines. That is what the ego does.
It prints articles in your mind that appear legitimate because it gives so called proof with snapshots from your worries and catchy titles that reek of tragedy, jealousy, drama, and sadness. We of course buy into it and thus the obsession begins where we have to read every issue to see what comes up next.
Are their angels and a God..perhaps. I still believe(maybe/hopefully), but the more I learn I truly feel that my mind and soul are fried without knowing zilch.
I think as humans we love to analyze or try to figure things(perhaps it's just my loopy brain) out when at times their are no answers, or solutions or even purposes for things.
As the old saying goes, "Shit happens.." and things can just occur for no other reason than the fact that people on this planet just like you and I can and often do gulp down the Fearful Punch.
Yeah, don't behave as if it's a big secret either. You know how that wretched stuff quenches your thirst when you start trying to eat a Wise One Apple. The punch loves to sedate you into a dimension that is none other than BS. Oh yes, complete BS. But for us the BS is where we like to hang out because it's a safe place. Start chewing on that Wise One Apple and you can finally see and smell the BS which freaks us out. So, we say f that apple and pour down the punch!
I wish I could just leave this planet. I feel more than ready to whoosh fly away.
I want the angels would give out vouchers you could win like Willy Wonka's Golden Ticket.
The lucky winners would get a first class trip back home where you would live in an Angel Palace. That sounds like Heaven to me. Yes, yes Heaven can be here right now but I'd rather just go back where I'm familiar with where I wouldn't be an outsider.
Let's just say this about what I think of living here on earth....HATE it.
There I said it. Yes, this makes me a horrible, awful, most unspiritual person ever.
But with my long record it certainly would be stamped with the word demon instead of angel.
Oh yes, I've demonstrated more horns than halo in this lifetime.
Is there a point to this post..nope, it's just me venting.
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