The Angel Cookie Cutter

"Watch, O Lord, with those who wake, or watch, or weep tonight, and give Your angels and saints charge over those who sleep." ~excerpted from the prayer Watch O' Lord by St. Augustine of Hippo

I have to admit that on some days I have all out wars with the angels, other times I think I have lost my mind for believing in them, and in a crisis of faith I don't think they exist at all. Even the greatest of spiritual leaders and activists of their times went through a dark night..actually more than one.
Jesus was in despair in the Garden of Gethsemane and also doubted God while he was hanging on the cross asking "My God,my God why have you forsaken me?"
In the book Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light she also went through the deepest and most darkest place of not feeling God, or Jesus that would not go away.
I have been through plenty of crisis' of faith and I am sure I still have more to go in the future.
I get angry, I scream, I cry..I say the nastiest things one can imagine and curse like a sailor at God,angels,etc. when something happens in life that seems completely unjust, not planned, or just too much to bear.

I wanted to share a story and show that angels do have a sense of humor and care even when you don't.
A week ago I was not in a good place. I was sorely infuriated with how "great" of a job the angels and God were doing when I was asking for help for not only me but family and loved ones and they were doing everything in their power to make things turn around and presto nadda! That's right nothing was happening. I felt worse off than before and began to take down my angel and spirit altar.
Anytime someone mentioned the phrase its God's will or that was meant to happen I was so enraged I wanted to tell everyone to shut the hake up and stop with saying those things. When I heard my mother say I'll be praying for you to a close friend on the phone I gagged at the words. I thought to myself what good is prayer if they aren't even there?

I basically summed up my week that not only was I a total failure and loser but that there was nothing to this spiritual mambo jambo and to forget all about it. I had wasted all my years into "angels are real", "God exists," and "prayers are answered."
I didn't have to believe. It wouldn't be such a bad way to not have faith in anything and thought it would be better to not ever think of angels,etc. again.
At least now I wouldn't wonder how prayers weren't being heard(from my human perspective) and the sufferings of so many around me.
That belief system can work for some people..I do strongly believe that every person is aligned with what works best for them, their soul, environment..so I don't want anyone to think that it's wrong or bad not to believe in anything.
If you believe in being the best person you can, and that working hard and helping others is your faith I have no problem with it.

I went into the basement of my house and I ripped into God and the angels. I broke down crying and said,"You know it would nice to let me know that you are there angels..but I guess not. I'm talking to nothing as usual."
All of the sudden I got the feeling and a nudge to look up at this basket in front of me that was sitting on top of a box. Mind you we are in Spring and I had to do a double-take because right there was an angel cookie cutter from Christmastime.
I can't explain it but I felt angels..the only way to describe them is tickling in the heart and such love with warmth. I started laughing and said,"You guys have got some humor..here I am yelling at you and you show me that."
My faith in the angels changed and even though my logical brain wanted to discount it as "no, that wasn't real"..I knew better.